Why Trust Feels Like a Setup

When the Foundation Cracks

I keep coming back to three simple words: truth, trust, and honesty. Right now, they feel like the wobbly legs of a broken chair, ready to collapse at any moment.

Lately, I’ve been struggling. Really struggling. I’m feeling this thick wall build up inside me, pushing people away. It’s hard to admit, but I’ve been depressed and angry, and it all boils down to trust. Or the total lack of it. Why does trust feel like a setup?

Maybe you know the feeling, you’re the person who goes all-in on a friendship or relationship. You nurture it. You’re there when they need you. You try to check in, even when life pulls people in different directions. You invest your whole, honest self. And then, one day, that trust is shattered, and the foundation cracks. Maybe you caught someone cheating, or a friendship went sour, or maybe someone close to you betrayed you.

When that happens, you’re left picking up the pieces, not just of the relationship, but of your own self-worth. You start asking the painful questions,

“Why am I so easily fooled? What is wrong with me for trusting so deeply?”

The truth is, some of us are just built to lead with an open hand and a trusting heart. We believe in the goodness of others until we are given a reason not to. But when you’re that kind of person, it sometimes feels like you have a target on your back. You become easy to deceive, and I know that feeling all too well.

When trust is broken, it’s not just a minor disagreement. Betrayal is a breach in the very foundation of a relationship. It’s a line crossed when someone lies with the intention to hurt, cheat, or for their own selfish gain. It can leave you feeling like they don’t give a damn, and maybe they don’t.

The Two Sides of the Coin: Givers and Takers

I believe there are just two types of people in the world. There are the givers. Those who are constantly pouring themselves into others, offering comfort, love, and connection. All they truly want is to feel a connection in return and help make someone else feel good.

And then there are the takers. These are the people who simply take, take, take. The need to talk about themselves constantly. They only call when they need something. Time is their priority, not yours, and they only invest if they know they’re going to get something out of it. They use you up until you’re exhausted, and then they easily toss you aside. Often, these people may be considered narcissists, and they love the givers because of how easy they are to manipulate.

It’s painful to feel like you’ve been discarded after you gave everything you had. I’ve tried hard to be a good, loyal person. I believe others consider me trustworthy, and that’s what I want in return. Honesty and integrity are what healthy relationships are made of. Yet when someone is dishonest and treats you poorly, it leaves you feeling angry and taken advantage of.

Let’s be honest, it’s hard not to feel a little sorry for yourself when you feel you keep getting “shit on.” It also changes how you view yourself. When others break your trust, it makes you question not only them but your own ability to make good choices. You stop trusting others, and you stop trusting yourself.

The Loneliness Trap

My current isolation and feelings of anger have been building for over a year now. The pain from a few broken friendships, combined with those betrayals, has created a wall that seems impossible to climb over. The trap of loneliness grows when you use isolation as a coping mechanism.

Knowing that our circle of friends narrows as we get older, I want to be more intentional with my relationships. With age, we all stop putting up with the nonsense we did when we were younger. That’s a good thing. I don’t have the bandwidth to keep getting up and brushing myself off. I don’t have the desire to normalize forgiveness towards the takers. When trust is broken, I can forgive, but the desire for something more goes away, and I just want to move on.

I spend a lot of my time in my head, in my own little bubble, and it can feel lonely. When you’ve lost trust in people, sometimes the idea of an innocent, non-judgmental companion like a cat or a dog feels safer than risking your heart on a person again. My dog brings me joy, but so does writing down these feelings and letting go of them.

Moving Forward & Questioning Our Truth

I know I can’t be the only one experiencing these things. Life often feels so exhausting, and it is hard to move forward. It’s easy to get lost in the blame and the hurt. But the way out isn’t just about figuring out where everyone else went wrong. It’s about looking inward and questioning our own truth.

“Why did we allow someone to take advantage of us?”

The danger of letting dishonesty and chaos into our lives is that it can slowly recondition our ability to think clearly. When we feel confused and hurt, we become wary and exhausted, which actually makes it easier to be fooled again.

We have to understand ourselves on a deeper level if we want to make better choices in the people we allow into our lives. We need to question everything. We must trust our gut when something feels off and when our intuition is speaking to us. Confidence within ourselves is imperative in order to have the clarity to make better choices outside of ourselves.

“What is your truth right now? Is it based on facts, on fear, or anger?”

Take a deeper look at your thinking and beliefs. Check your heart and consider whether those you choose to give it to are worthy of it. While friendships and love are gifts, boundaries must be set to be worthy of goodness.

“Is there someone in your life deliberately hurting you to get what they want? Is someone gaslighting you while being dishonest? Do you believe that you deserve better?”

If your beliefs are fueling negativity or hurt, question why, dig deeper. Do some research. Ask yourself where those uncomfortable feelings are coming from. If there is any discomfort with truth in any of your relationships, and it isn’t you, that should be a red flag. Pay attention to your gut, it’s rarely wrong.

I want to be able to trust the story I am living and fill it with honest, loving people. I want to live with integrity. I want good, healthy friendships. I don’t want to argue or be angry. I don’t want to follow a narrative of bitterness. I don’t want to keep blaming myself for trusting those who don’t deserve my heart in the first place.

I want to build a new path, even though right now I am not sure how to do that. My struggle this past year with lost friendships and feeling let down needs to be put behind me. I know I need to try harder to get outside of my bubble and out of my comfort zone. Hiding out at home is easy, but being in public is not. I will start there.

I hope that by sharing this struggle, I’ve sparked a little curiosity in you. I want you to question what you believe is true in your own life. When we choose to be better and do better, even when we’re just trying to figure out how to forgive and move on from being fooled, we begin to create our own path to happiness.

This Weekend I’m Stepping Out

If you have read this far, I want you to know that I’m working on myself this weekend. I had planned for a while to visit a friend in Port Saint Joe for a songwriting event that happens there yearly. On a whim, I decided to leave earlier with no expectations. I’m not sure exactly where I’ll go or where I’ll stay before making my way to my friend’s house.

I’ve never chosen to have a few days alone in a place I’ve never been, unless it was work-related. I’m not usually the spontaneous type, I’m more of a planner. This is truly out of my comfort zone. I left on Wednesday, hoping to be out in nature by the ocean and breathe in the fresh air for a few days. I’m alone with my camera and my journal to see what I discover. I may just sleep in my car, we‘ll see.

I’ll let you know next Sunday what I’ve learned, if anything.

For those of you who have felt betrayed by someone close, how did you manage to let go of the pain? How did you begin to trust again, both others and yourself, after being burned? I’m hoping to find a connection with you, so share something in the comments. I would love to hear from you.